Monthly Archives: October 2007

Becoming a Mother

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This weekend I went to a baby shower, it was the first baby shower in 2 years I wasn’t sad to attend. I didn’t cry when I had to pick out a gift. I didn’t get chocked up when people asked me when I was going to have kids. When the conversations turned to baby talk I didn’t run in the other direction. I am not saying the pain is gone, its just livable. I know its going to be my turn, I am going to become a mother. I found this poem on another blog I thought it was fitting.

Thoughts on Becoming a Mother:
There are women that become mothers without effort, without thought, without patience or loss and though they are good mothers and love their children, I know that I will be better.I will be better not because of genetics, or money or that I have read more books but because I have struggled and toiled for this child.
I have longed and waited.
I have cried and prayed.
I have endured and planned over and over again.Like most things in life, the people who truly have appreciation are those who have struggled to attain their dreams.
I will notice everything about my child.
I will take time to watch my child sleep, explore and discover. I will marvel at this miracle every day for the rest of my life.I will be happy when I wake in the middle of the night to the sound of my child, knowing that I can comfort, hold and feed him and that I am not waking to take another temperature, pop another pill, take another shot or cry tears of a broken dream.
My dream will be crying for me.I count myself lucky in this sense; that God has given me this insight, this special vision with which I will look upon my child that my friends will not see.

Whether I parent a child I actually give birth to or a child that God leads me to, I will not be careless with my love.

I will be a better mother for all that I have endured. I am a better wife, a better aunt, a better daughter, neighbor, friend and sister because I have known pain.

I know disillusionment as I have been betrayed by my own body. I have been tried by fire and hell many never face, yet given time, I stood tall.

I have prevailed.
I have succeeded.
I have won.

So now, when others hurt around me, I do not run from their pain in order to save myself discomfort. I see it, mourn it, and join them in theirs.

I listen.

And even though I cannot make it better, I can make it less lonely. I have learned the immense power of another hand holding tight to mine, of other eyes that moisten as they learn to accept the harsh truth and when life is beyond hard. I have learned a compassion that only comes with walking in those shoes.

I have learned to appreciate life.

Yes I will be a wonderful mother.

~Author Unknown

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Baby stuff

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     I’ve been looking on-line at all the baby stuff there is, there is a ton of stuff, its almost intimidating!!! I don’t have a clue what I need… Since Foxx will be around 5 to 6 months when he arrives home I realize there is a lot of things you would use for a new born that you won’t use for a 6 month old baby. I am also stumped on where to register. I know I will register at target.  I can’t figure out where else, I am thinking of either Babys R Us or USA Baby. Then of course there is my dream list, all the stuff I’ve spent the last 4 years dreaming of like this

 

The bugaboo stroller

Of course I will need a super amazing camera to take pictures of my beautiful baby boy!!!

Insomnia

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I haven’t been sleeping, I am not falling asleep at night until around 3, and that’s on a good night. This has been going on for a little over 2 months. I don’t know why!!! Its driving me crazy!!! I’ve tried everything I can think of, I still can’t sleep. Sometimes I will take sleeping pills an stay up so long the pill where’s off. I hate bed time, now when I know its close to bed time I start freaking out. Its really starting to affect me, I feel really sick, I just want more that 5 hours of good sleep. If anybody has any tips for helping me get sleep I am all ears. I am going to go crazy without sleep!!! I told my mom this is supposed to be the time I can sleep because when Foxx gets here we know I won’t be getting any sleep, and that’s all right by me!!! But for now I tired of laying in bed listening to my 2 dogs and my husband sleep!!!

Nothing New

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               My cute little sister informed me my blog is better than reading Perez Hilton, I take that as the greatest compliment!!! This weekend Mike went to man camp, an I spent the weekend with my girlfriend, Amanda. It was fun, we went to Ruth Chris, a engagement party, we went to some fun boutique’s in Phoenix, then we had a all girl get together at my house.  Even though I had a great time, I still missed my husband. I always forget how spoiled I am, until Mike isn’t around. Trust me I missed him like crazy when it came to taking the dogs potty in the middle of the night!!! LOL

              On the adoption front there is nothing new to report, I have people writing my 5 referrals, I am doing all the paperwork, I am setting up appointments so we can have our final homestudy. My goal is to have that all done by the end of next month. Then I am hoping to get my dossier sent to Vietnam by the end of the year. I think that would be the best way to kick off 2008. Then the dreaded waiting will happen, it will probley be 4-5 months until we get our referral, then another 2-3 months to travel to pick Foxx up. Since Fiona is laying on my lap while I write this I will leave you with one of my all time favorite pictures ( yes she loves to lay on my lap she doesn’t realize she weighs 55 pounds).

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10 Weird Things About Me

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I thought I would write 10 things about myself to help everyone get to know me better. By the way they are in no particular order.

1, I always cry when I watch the Biggest Loser! (especially last night I was crying so hard Mike had to come over an give me a hug)

2, While I like to go out with our friends, I love to stay home an make dinner with Mike, an cuddle up on the couch an watch a movie from Blockbuster!

3, I hate baby clothes that look like baby clothes!!! I don’t like the cartoon characters, or the little baby animals they put on alot of them.

4, I like dogs an children more than I like most adults. So if I come over an give your dog or your kids more attention, or both, now you know why. LOL

 5, I have always wanted to go to the east coast, but never have had the chance! I am trying to talk mike into taking me there on our baby-moon.

6, I don’t remember what my life was like without Mike in it, an we have only been together for 5 years. Maybe you really do block out the bad.

7, I hate to polish my toe nails, so I always convince someone else to do it.

8, I love talking to old people, they always have the most interesting stories and a lot of young people don’t take the chance to listen.

9, When I was little I always wanted to be a Mom when I grew up, becoming a teacher came in a close second.

10, I like boys more than girls, I hate going out with just the girls.  I always have more fun with the boys around!!! Especially Mine!!!

Our Trip

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Our trip was AMAZING, we all had a great time!!! We went to the beach, went to the hot tub, played UNO ( or one when your in Mexico) and a very dangerous spoons,  we ate some great food that I am pretty sure was not on my diet!!! It was nice to get away from all the craziness here, between moving the shop an getting all my paperwork ready for the adoption I’ve been going a little crazy!!! I took a ton of pictures, so here are some of my favorites.

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My parents, Foxx’s G-MOMMA an POP

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Me trying to convince Mike not to go home!!!

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Mike reminded me I have two dogs, a goat, and a fish at home who needed me!!! LOL

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We went to the fish market for dinner, it was a good time!!! Thanks Dad for dinner!!!

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Who are these hottie’s????

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Bubba the Protector of the Beach!!!

As much fun as we had I am glad to be home!!! I am super sun burnt an the 3 hour wait to get over the boarder was a awful way to end our trip. We decided we would try to do this every October break, so hopefully next year I’ll be posting Foxx’s pictures too!!!

We are heading to Rocky Point

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rocky point

We are Leaving for Rocky Point as soon as Mike gets home for work!!! We are staying at the Las Palomas, we just stayed there a couple of months ago. Its super fun, in case you can’t tell by the pool. I am excited we are going with my family, my bff Sean, Sandy D an her kiddos, Robin, Steve and Zack. I think one of the best trips Mike an I have had was when we went to Rocky Point with my family, My family is great to travel with my mom always packs a ton of food, my dad is a big kid, the girls are always up for a fun time, an bubba is always doing something crazy!!! I hope we get lots of pictures!!!